News from the Hellmouth
by Thundertb
Summary: The Scoobies make for interesting reading around the campfire.
1. Chapter 1

**News from the Hellmouth**

**By Thundertb**

**Rating: **G

**Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Crossover(s): **The Chronicle/Stargate/Buffy

**Season: **Season 3 of Buffy and Season 3 of Stargate; As for The Chronicle I think it only lasted for one season

**Spoilers: **Anything up to the end of Season 3 of Buffy and anything up to "The Devil You Know" in Stargate; to be on the safe side…all of The Chronicle

**Pairing: **None

**Main Character(s):** Ensemble

**Timeline: **Takes place after graduation in Buffy. Season 3 of Buffy and Stargate more or less coincide.

**Summary: **The Scoobies make for interesting reading around a campfire.

**Author's Note: **Not beta'd so any mistakes regarding characterization, grammar, spelling, etc. are mine and mine alone.

"Hey, Teal'c! Wait up!"

Teal'c halted his progress down the SGC corridor and turned to see a rather nondescript female airman running toward him holding up a rolled newspaper. She slid to a

stop in front him grinning.

"Sgt. McGillis."

Practically bouncing up and down in excitement, she unrolled the paper and handed it to Teal'c. "Check this out, Teal'c. I know how much you like to read The Chronicle so when I saw this headline I bought the paper for you."

Glancing down at the paper, Teal'c read the headline "_Sunnydale Class of '99 Saves the World_."

"Thank you, Sgt. McGillis. I shall read this when time and my duties allow."

"You are more than welcome, Teal'c." With a grin and a wave, the airman turned and headed back toward her duty station.

Two days later, SG-1 sat around a small campfire, relaxing from a busy day of sample collecting for a mineral survey. The planet, designated P3X-521, held the promise of a large vein of naquada and little in the way of danger. After Netu, General Hammond determined that SG-1 needed a break while at the same time keeping them busy which worked out well for the SGC's and the General's peace of mind.

"…according to myth…"

"C'mon, Daniel! Give it a rest will ya?" exclaimed a rather exasperated Colonel.

"Sam…"

Holding up her hands in mock surrender, the Major moved to verbally cut him off at the pass. "No…Daniel. Leave me out of this."

Feeling digruntled and abandoned Daniel turned to his last bastion of support only to frown in puzzlement when he saw Teal'c reading a newspaper.

Daniel shot a glance at his other teammates as they too became aware of their friend's preoccupation.

"Umm…T? Watcha readin'?" asked the Colonel.

Without looking up, Teal'c answered, "The Chronicle, O'Neill."

"The…Chronicle?" the Colonel repeated. "Isn't that one of those rags that you find at the checkout stand in the grocery store?"

"Sgt. McGillis bought it for me two days ago. I am pleased to agree with her that the story that drew her attention is as interesting as she believed it would be," said Teal'c as he finally looked over the top edge of the paper at his friends and comrades.

"Someone has a crush," the Colonel teased with a sly grin while at the same time Daniel asked, "What story, Teal'c?"

Ignoring the Colonel and frowning at Daniel, the Major said, "Teal'c reading those papers will only give you a very _distorted_ view of Earth. All those stories aren't real."

"Sam's right, Teal'c. These papers can be entertaining to read but don't take anything they say at face value," agreed Daniel, although, he was still curious as to what Teal'c was reading.

The Colonel deciding that the story would be far more entertaining than listening to Daniel expound on whatever theory that captured his imagination and teasing Teal'c about his possibly future girlfriend/stalker said, "C'mon Teal'c. Read us this earth-shattering revelation that The Chronicle saw fit to report."

With a raised eyebrow, Teal'c read the article to his friends.

**_Sunnydale Class of '99 Saves the World_**

_by Tucker Burns_

_Staff of The Chronicle_

_Three months ago the country was rocked by the announcement that 93 people, 30 of whom were members of the graduating class of Sunnydale Highschool, were killed in an explosion that destroyed the school. Officially, the explosion was deemed an accident due to a gas leak. But it is the unofficial cause of the explosion that is far more terrifying. Terrifying, because it brings to light a war that has been going on since the beginning of time. Terrifying, because the ones who are fighting this war were members of that graduating class. It is not adults and trained soldiers fighting this war, but teenagers…teenagers with little or no back-up of any kind._

_To truly understand what really happened that day, a little background is needed on the town of Sunnydale and its inhabitants. Located two hours northeast of Los Angeles, Sunnydale appears to be the ideal small town to raise a family. And it probably is, if you can ignore the 14 cemeteries and the high death and missing persons rate…all of which is attributed to "gang members on PCP."_

_The original Spanish settlers once called Sunnydale, "La Boca del Infierno," which literally translates as "The Mouth of Hell," or as it is known by the few who are knowlegeable about Sunnydale's secret, "The Hellmouth." _

"_Everyone on one level or another knows what is going on in this town. They just refuse to face it. We call it the Sunnydale Syndrome. When the weird happens, it's ignored and/or a rational explanation is found even if it doesn't fit the evidence presented. I mean really, how many people are going to fall on their barbeque forks, poke themselves in the jugular and bleed to death. But if you read the Sunnydale paper, it happens every day," says one Sunnydale graduate._

_When asked how these people died if not by falling on their barbeque forks, his simple and straightforward reply was vampires aka "gangmembers on PCP."_

"Whoa! Wait a minute! Vampires! You have got to be kidding me," exclaimed Jack.

"I can't believe they are using this tragedy to sell their paper with this….this story!" Daniel said with disgust.

Sam agreed with a frown. "It's completely tasteless and offensive. Those poor people died because of an accident and to make light of it is unforgiveable."

"Do you wish me to quit reading?" asked Teal'c.

Jack, Sam and Daniel were quiet for a moment. With an embarrassed and curious sounding cough, the Colonel shook his head. "Ah…no."

_On the day in question, the 1999 graduating class gathered to celebrate two things: the end of their school career at Sunnydale Highschool and the fact that their class had the lowest mortality rate in Sunnydale High history. According to another Sunnydale graduate the record set by their class was attributed to a small group of people she called "The Scoobies." _

"_Whenever something weird or dangerous was happening, the Scoobies could be found somewhere nearby. Whenever somebody survived a "gang" attack or a "wild animal" attack, the Scoobies were somehow invovled. You just knew without talking about it, that the Scoobies would take care of it."_

"Scoobies. Humph. Makes sense, I suppose."

Daniel looked at Jack. "Sense?"

Jack rolled his eyes. "Please Daniel. At some point in your childhood you had to have seen Scooby Doo."

"Don't you find it disturbing that one of the things they're celebrating is a low mortality rate?" asked Sam.

Teal'c once again raised his eyebrow in question before continuing to read.

_As with every other graduation, the graduating class could be seen in their robes sitting in front of the school with their family and friends gathered to witness this important time in evry young man and woman's life…a rite of passage into adulthood. On this day, in this town, the Mayor of Sunnydale started to give a speech to encourage and guide the students as they went forward into their new life. Then according to one source the Mayor began to change and the sky started to get dark as night. _

"Here comes the hyperbole," Daniel said snidely.

"Quiet Daniel. I want to hear this. It's starting to get good."

"Sir!"

"You too Carter."

_And where the Mayor once stood, there was now a huge snake that stood taller than the building._

"Stood?!"

"Daniel!"

_It was at this point that the Scooby, identified by sources as the White Knight, stood up and yelled "now". The entire class then removed their robes which revealed themselves to be armed with various weapons such as swords, crossbows, axes, knives, and stakes._

"For a giant snake, I think they needed more than swords and crossbows."

"If this story is going where I think it's going, Daniel, they had more than swords and crossbows. Apparently someone cruised the internet."

"That's _surfed_ the internet, Sir."

"Carter…"

"Sir." She said with smirk.

"_It was at this point the Mayor-Snake ate the Principal. I, personally, was torn between cheering and being horrified. The man was a troll…not real one though…at least I don't think he was."_

"I once dreamed that my math teacher was eaten by a giant alligator that lived in my family's pond. Mr. Douglas also had troll-like characteristics."

Jack just smirked at Daniel and Sam's perplexed looks. "What? I know you two probably lived at your schools, but there had to be _one_ teacher that you thought wasn't human?"

"There was an alligator in your pond, Jack?"

_What followed the death of the principal is rather vague, but the one thing all witnesses during the final moments of the battle agree on is that one of the Scoobies, who my sources refer to as the Class Protector, lured the giant demon into the school before the school exploded. _

_How many died because of the explosion or because of the battle is unknown. But all who survived that day agree that the death toll would have been much greater had the Scoobies not intervened._

"It must be hard on those kids wondering if their solution to the demon problem killed their friends." Jack said quietly.

"Can you imagine what it must be like to be 18 and fighting a war that for the most part people ignore, simply because it doesn't fit into their world view? How lonely that must be?" asked Daniel.

Teal'c calmly folded the paper and placed it back into his pack. "They are great warriors. They, much like us, fight a great evil to protect their people. Whether they realize it or not, they are not alone."

"If this were real, Teal'c."

"Indeed. If this were real, Major Carter."

**Two Weeks Later**

**The Pentagon**

"Here are the latest reports from the SGC, General."

"Thank you, Major Davis. How are things at the SGC?"

"Pretty quiet for right now, Sir. Though, it seems the personnel have all become avid readers of The Chronicle, Sir. Especially the weekly articles entitled _News from the Hellmouth_."

"Interesting."

"I thought so, Sir."


	2. SGC Betting Pool

**News from the Hellmouth**

**SGC Betting Pool**

**By Thundertb**

**Rating: **G

**Crossover(s): **Stargate/BtVS/The Chronicle

**Season/Spoilers: **Season 3 of Buffy and Stargate

**Pairing: **None

**Main Character(s):** Siler, Harriman

**Timeline: **Approx. 1 week after "Sunnydale Class of '99 Saves the World"

**Summary: ** Siler and Harriman begin the important, top secret work of organizing the Hellmouth betting pool.

**Author's Notes: **Just a little drabble that came to me as I began working on the next story in the series.

"Clear?"

"Yes. The General's on the phone and SG-1 are off-world."

"Good. So…how are we going to work this?"

"Let's see…the new issue comes out every Monday. Pool opens Tuesday and ends Sunday night?"

"Yeah, that works. I'm thinking the bet can be the number of vamps dusted during the week. The one closest is the winner."

"Hmm…might work. Although, last week's article didn't give a number…but a timely phone call to the publisher might change that oversight."

"Definitely. How about at the end of the month we have bigger pool for events like graduation. You know, kind of which demon tried to end the world this month?"

"Hmm…and if there wasn't a world-ending event that month, the pool rolls over for the next month."

"Good. I'll begin spreading the word."


End file.
